brièveté

A Weighty Opinion

last night, The Boyfriend and i had a discussion on how i react when people comment on my weight. (i’ve ranted several times on previous blog posts that “tumataba ka a!” or “bawas ng kain!” is not HELLO or any form of cordial greeting… i just don’t have the time to browse through my archives now to link ‘em up.) but if you’ve known me for quite some time, you’d know that such comments instantly put me in a sour mood. i also have an elephant memory: the offender gets placed on The List, that group of people i intentionally avoid for purposes of self-preservation and world peace.

anyhoo. Jeb’s POV was: the people who say that may not mean to offend, they’re just stating an observation. our physique is our most observable attribute and it’s easiest to comment about it on the get-go. (lalong-lalo na sa ‘ting mga Pinoy na itinuturing yatang karapatan ang kumumento sa kapayatan o katabaan ng kausap.) in the few instances that they could mean to tease, maybe it’s my mindset that i ought to fine-tune: instead of getting riled up, i should just suck it up, say “oo nga e”, and laugh it off. (i think he’s also saying this because the task of putting up with my mood swing falls on him. haha!)

in our makulay na usapan, i told Jeb that i guess what pisses me off the most about such weight comments is the implication of the statement. why did the person need to tell me that? was i such an unsightly addition to their day that they felt compelled to alert me of it? (Jeb then said that this was all in my head. but then again it’s my blog so i’ll have to write what’s in my head.)

i also told him that i could never do that, comment about a person’s weight gain (or weight loss, for that matter). not unless the person brings it up. if a weight-related comment won’t come off as a compliment, i bite my tongue. and you know me, that’s not an easy feat. (Jeb’s counterpoint was of course i’d do that, it’s my pet peeve. i, on the other hand, can’t expect that from every person i meet.) (ang hirap manalo kay Jeb ha. boo.)

of course he’s right. i know, i know that i have to climb a few more EQ points on this one, that i can choose to just ignore such oh-so-perceptive declarations *cue eyeroll* and be the bigger person (pun unintended). i’m working on it, and i’m thankful that i have this adorable, good-natured boy who teaches me kindness constantly. 

but he’s also a boy. hahahaha. he has to understand that before i could even breathe deeply and calm myself down, the girl monster inside me has already screamed a thousand colorful retorts in my mind, some of them are:

* WHAT HAPPENED TO HELLOOOOOO?!
* E ANO NGAYON?! E. ANO. NGAYOOOOON?!
* BAKET, PAYAT KA? PAYAT KAAAAA?!
* sabi ko na nga ba dapat di na lang kita bineso.
* last time na nagkita tayo, ‘yan rin ang sinabi mo. last week lang ‘yon. at this rate, elepante na ‘ko next week.
* bakit, pangit ‘yon? pangit tumaba ng kaunti? PANGIT AKO?!
* … bang. 

pfft. 

this morning, i chanced upon J. K. Rowling’s short article entitled “For Girls Only, Probably…” and thankfully, I found some back-up. she cited our generation’s obsession with weight-woes, musing “how strange and sick the ‘fat’ insult is. I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’?” J. K. Rowling recounted an instance when a friend’s first comment after not seeing her for 3 years was that JKR lost a lot of weight. in the span of those three years, she had her 3rd baby and wrote her 6th novel. still, her waist size was of more significance. (that’s also kinda my point. really, we don’t have anything in common to small-talk about? the events of both our combined lives all pale in comparison to my weight? … why are we talking again?)

i’m ending this post with three things (yes, this blogpost on steroids has an end):

1. i am fully aware of my weight gain. no need to tell me, thanks. and, don’t worry (assuming that your modus is of concern), i’m constantly doing something about it. i exercise and i watch what i eat. should i have my metabolism checked? maybe. anyhoo, for other small-talk topics, maybe we could talk about things I like: books, dogs, music, TV and movies, anything french, vice ganda, and (my recent interest) nail polish application techniques (how do you avoid air bubbles?). oh, the possibilities, right? and of course, you. what are the things you like? i’d be very happy to talk about them with you.

2.  Jeb’s closing argument: o, alam mo naman palang tumataba ka. e ‘di mag-smile ka na lang kesa magalit. kasi ang dulo, iisipin nila, “ano ba naman ‘to. antaba na ang sungit pa.” (woooow thanks Beb ha. hahaha! i love you with all my fatty heart.)

3.  J. K. Rowling’s final paragraph in her article:

Maybe all this seems funny, or trivial, but it’s really not. It’s about what girls want to be, what they’re told they should be, and how they feel about who they are. I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls. Rant over.

Posted 5 months ago — 2 notes